Here’s to All the Single Ladies

Happy Valentine’s Day, all my twentysomething friends! A day of love, beauty, romance, flowers, and chocolate. Or, a day for solo wine binges, Netflix, and internal sobs. In my basic understanding of relationships, there are three options.

1. Taken
2. Single
3. It’s complicated 

This year, I find myself in the second category: single. And no, this blog post is not a plea to all the single attractive people out there. Although, if anyone cute is reading this, my number is 518-27…okay, wait, just kidding.

My question for all my single friends: why can’t we have both types of Valentine’s Days? I want the love, flowers, chocolates, AND solo wine binges and Netflix. The internal sobs can stay at home this year, because:

So this year, if you are single and not-ready-to-mingle, or maybe you are ready but want to have a nice Valentine’s Day for yourself, I say go for it. And here are a few ideas:

1. The Traditional
   • Indulge yourself in all the typical Valentine’s Day treats. Buy yourself a beautiful bouquet of roses (or any flowers, really…pick your favorite)! Buy a box of chocolates for yourself and don’t feel guilty about eating half of it in one sitting. Maybe if you’re feeling extra fancy, prepare a gourmet meal for one, get dressed up, and treat yourself to a glass of wine and a good book while eating your specially-prepared-for-you-by-you meal.
2. The Date Night
   • Who says you can’t take yourself out? Pick your favorite restaurant, or a new restaurant you’ve been meaning to try. Order your favorite thing from the menu, and don’t even think twice about ordering dessert. You deserve it. Afterwards, check the local movie times and go to a movie. Yes, by yourself. I know it can be awkward at first, but I’ve done it, and it’s actually a refreshing change of pace. Pick out a ridiculously overpriced snack, sit back in the seat, and enjoy a movie on you.
3. The Buy-My-Love
   • Alicia Keys sings, “Some people want diamond rings…but everything means nothing, if I ain’t got you.” I love me some Alicia Keys, but let me tell you, everything does mean something, with or without this ever-elusive “you” figure. Now, as twentysomethings, we may not be able to treat ourselves to a diamond ring. But take yourself to the mall and go on a mini shopping spree. A little retail therapy never hurt anyone.
4. The Stay-In Valentine 
   • Crowds aren’t your thing? I totally understand, especially when you know everyone else will be partnered off. Sometimes, it’s better to just avoid it. In this case, tonight is the perfect night to search the “RomCom” category on Netflix, or hit up the local Red Box (do they even have those anymore?). Anyway, stay in and do you! Dress in the comfiest pair of pajamas you have, puffy socks, cushy slippers…the whole deal. Make yourself some hot cocoa and curl up on the couch.
5. The Anti-Valentine
   • Okay, so I have to admit, Valentine’s Day isn’t for everyone. There are even married people I know who’ve said, “We don’t really do Valentine’s day.” That’s cool, too. So, in that case, just keep living your life. Why is being single any harder on this day than on any other day of the year? As far as I know, there is no research that states that there are more couples on Valentine’s Day than on any other day, so just keep doing you. Do your laundry, go grocery shopping, and just live your regular Sunday best.

Regardless of your plans for today, I’m  wishing you all much blog love, as I, a single man, will probably choose a combination of all of these ideas for today.

 

50 (Twentysomething) First Dates

We all know the movie with Adam Sandler and Drew Barrymore, right? If not, here’s what you need to know: Drew Barrymore has short-term memory loss. She goes on 50 dates with Adam Sandler, but each one feels like a first date because said short-term memory.

Okay, well living the twentysomething life is kind of like that, except instead of all of us having short-term memory loss, this is a time filled with 50 literal first dates.

Now, don’t worry…this isn’t a blog post where I’m going to brag about how many dates I’ve gone on recently. And to be honest, I have more fingers on my left-hand than I do number of dates I’ve been on in the past year. But something weird happened this past week. A customer at Starbucks slipped me their number. A first! And an all-time barista goal. So for that, I am proud.

So I went on the date. Coffee. Casual. But I was shocked to hear the phrases that were coming out of my mouth. Instead of my usual small talk (“What’s your favorite color? If you could be any animal, what would you be? Tell me about your first pet.”), I was asking much more pointed questions. What social justice issues are you involved with? How are you involved in your community? What are your  goals?

And maybe it’s because I’m older and more mature, or maybe it’s just because I really don’t give a fuck what your favorite color is, but I’m past the point of small talk on first dates. Like, I get it. It’s casual, it’s polite, it’s conversation. But it’s kind of like the classic card game, “Go Fish.” If you don’t have the cards I’m looking for, you can Go Fish because ain’t nobody got time to swim around with a fish that isn’t the right one for you.

Needless to say, this person was not asked back out on a second date. Sorry, but not sorry.

For most of my twentysomethings, in regards to dating, I’ve felt hopeless, single to a fault, and lonely AF. And why wouldn’t I? The majority of people around me are either married with kids or in long-term committed relationships with the person they’ve been in love with forever and ever. And there is nothing wrong with that, at all, but when that’s all you have to compare yourself to, it’s hard. But “comparison is the thief of joy,” am I right Theodore Roosevelt?

But it doesn’t have to be complete opposites: married with kids or single and lonely. Why can’t it be single until you find the person you’re looking for that makes you happy? Well, now it can be. This blog post is official permission for myself and everyone who reads it to be single and loving it. Maybe I just needed a reminder of what I wasn’t looking for…because I’d rather be single than with someone who is completely uninspired by the world around them.

What’s cool about being a twentysomething though is this: I finally feel like I know what I’m looking for. Which, ironically enough, means that just as I start going out on more dates, I start to feel okay with being single. Weird, right?

So if you know any goal-oriented, inspired, and relatively attractive people, feel free to send them my way. But in the mean time, I think I’ll be okay with going on 50 first dates.