Recreating Home

My heart feels full full full, it feels so full.

I am back in Buffalo, NY and I have given more hugs in these past two days than I have in my entire time since leaving it. I’ve had more coffee chats these past two days than I have during my entire two years there. I have missed these people so, so much. And I didn’t even realize it until I found myself back in the All America City (no, not All American, All America).

My question is this – and maybe this isn’t the case for everyone – but why is it that, no matter what, every single time, you never realize how great something is until it’s gone? Buffalo, NY was never the place for me. It was okay, I’d say, maybe a 6 out of 10. And some days it was a 10, some days it was a 2. It really depended on the situation, on my mood. But something that always remained constant is that I knew I wanted to leave. I wanted to go to Europe, I wanted to go to New York City, I wanted to go to literally anywhere else other than Buffalo, NY.

And now, here I am, living in NYC, but longing for what I felt in Buffalo, when I didn’t even realize it. It’s like a warm cup of apple cider on a chilly fall afternoon, filling your entire soul from the top of your head to the tips of your toes, in and out, and all in just one sip.

Even right now, being out of the city, I feel the mark that New York City has imprinted upon me. This morning, when I was on my way to a coffee shop to meet a friend, I cut off an elderly man with a suitcase and a cane, walking right out in front of him. It wasn’t until I was minutes away that I realized that, maybe, I should’ve offered to help.

My time in New York City has been adventurous and flat. It’s been fulfilling in ways, empty in others. And now, I’m back in Buffalo, NY…where everything feels fulfilling…

Yesterday, I hugged one of my friends, one of my favorites from Buffalo, and I wanted to bottle that moment up forever into a little, tiny glass jar. Last night, I was holding hands with another friend across the table, and with just one look, we made each other cry amazing, happy, fulfilled tears. I’m getting emotional thinking about it now.

I suppose my point for the sake of this blog isn’t really a point, but a question. How do we get there? How do we create home? Because I know when I was in Buffalo, figuring out the same exact question, it felt like a never-ending misery. In fact, that’s why I started writing this blog! …to make myself feel better about the state of my life at that not-so-great transitional time.

And now, here I am, in another transitional time, where there is no warm-apple-cider-souls, no lifelong hugs, and no looks-that-make-you-cry friends. Although, I do have to say, I do have a couple really incredible friends in NYC, and they have made things infinitely better.

So, friends, how do you recreate all of these feelings? How do you carry them with you to a new place? How do you recreate home?


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