“Maybe you’ll never find your purpose. Lots of people don’t.”
“But then, I don’t even know why I’m alive!”
“Well, who does, really?”
There is so much truth in this. Really though, who does? Especially as a twentysomething. Finding your purpose seems like an insurmountable task, and if you are fortunate enough to think you’ve found yours, hold onto it forever and never let it go.
This past week, I went to go see Avenue Q. And just like every other musical I ever see, I over analyze and try to find the deeper meaning. And sure enough, I found one in this song, “For Now.”
The show follows Princeton, who graduated with an English degree, moves to Avenue Q, and is looking for his purpose. He’s lost himself a bit since graduating college, and makes a few mistakes along the way. Sound familiar? Yeah…this character’s name should really be Michael…
In the end, the cast sings, “For Now,” which is a reminder of just how temporary everything in life truly is. Your stress? Only for now. Feeling discomforted? Only for now. Your hair? It’s only here for now.
This song really resonated with me, especially at this point in my life, where I feel like every single aspect of my life is overwhelming. End of semester things at work, dumb final projects, graduation, moving to a new city, still looking for jobs…it’s just, endless. Or so it seems. But listening to this closing song, I was ready to burst into tears of joy because I was reminded that this phase of my life is really only here for now. All this pressure and stress will be over soon. And hell, I might as well try to enjoy whatever time I have left here.
“Nothing lasts, life goes on, full of surprises. You’ll be faced with problems of all shapes and sizes. You’re going to have to make a few compromises…for now.”
Right now, I am in the realization phase that I may have to make a few compromises. You can’t do it all, people, no matter how hard you try. I had this same revelation when I was 19, a sophomore in college…you think I would’ve learned by now? Also, PS, that was SIX years ago. Ew.
But here’s the thing, I feel like it’s impossible for me to devote 100% of my time to friends, family, relationships, job search, current job, grad school, part-time jobs…oh yeah, and the essentials: eating and sleeping. Neither of which I’ve been doing very much of lately. I have to make some compromises. And I’m done compromising the things that keep me healthy. Aka, eating and sleeping. So maybe it’s getting a B on a paper instead of staying up all night to finish it. Or maybe it’s delegating tasks, or leaving work at a relatively on-time time, and knowing that all those emails will still be there tomorrow.
What are your compromises? Either way, it’s only for now. Grad school and my current job are only for now…very literally speaking. Once those two end, there’ll be more time to focus on the job search. More time to refocus myself. And for now, that’s the compromise.
“Don’t stress, relax, let life roll off your backs. Except for death and paying taxes everything in life is only for now!”
There are some things I just can’t avoid, like the things so clearly stated in this song: death and paying taxes. And considering Tax Day just passed, I am VERY familiar with the twentysomething struggle of paying taxes. It’s kind of like, no matter how much you love your job, you still find yourself saying, “TGIF!” after a long week.
It’s speaking about the present moment. I may not know what my next step is, what I’m going to be doing or where, but that confusion is only for now. And for now, I’m going to try my best to live every day here, in the present, for now.